A cowardly, greedy, bottom-feeding toady, E.B. Farnum aspired to greatness far beyond being the "titular mayor" of Deadwood and owner of the Grand Central Hotel. That he pinned his aspirations on riding the coattails of more ambitious men was his mistake, because they only had to encounter E.B. briefly to realize his conniving ways were more of a liability than an asset to their plans.
As he ferreted around the mud-soaked streets of the camp, a "grotesque" to some and a "lambing rodent" to others, E.B. instigated all sorts of mischief, becoming a thorn in the side of the empire builders in his midst. Unfortunately, E.B. was too short-sighted and too impatient for his schemes to come to fruition, but they're ranked here in an ode to odiousness.
10 SPIED ON GEORGE HEARST
E.B. Farnum couldn't let an esteemed patron like George Hearst relax in his chambers without divining some secrets of import from his business meetings, using the passageway he'd built into the walls of the Grand Central like a rat in its natural habitat.
He spied on Hearst's professional dealings often, such as when he summoned the Pinkertons to Deadwood and tasked them with killing Ellsworth. Any information E.B. learned he used to ingratiate himself to the power players of the town, rather than out of any sense of morality.
9 RIDICULED RICHARDSON
Viewers need only look at how E.B. treated his hotel cook Richardson to get an idea of what sort of person he was. E.B. mercilessly mocked and bullied him throughout the series with lines like, "Could you have been born, Richardson, and not egg-hatched as I've always assumed?" But in one particular instance, E.B. showed his true vile hue.
Richardson went to Jack Langrishe's talent night in Season 3 and entertained the crowd with his juggling, which prompted E.B to drag him from the stage, so bruised was his ego at the sight of Richardson receiving applause.
8 AFFECTED LUNACY TO NOT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE
In order to not be seen as culpable for his many petty crimes, E.B. often affected lunacy, successfully eschewing any accountability. This worked on some citizens of Deadwood more than others, as contrasted by Brom Garret and George Hearst.
In the case of the former, E.B. tried to explain that his previous offer on his claim was made when he was out of sorts and therefore not valid, and in the case of the latter, while discussing prices for the Grand Central Hotel, he burst out with, "Get away from me damn you!" and then, "Forgive me I'm mad".
7 HELPED SWINDLE BROM GARRET
As soon as Al Swearengen found out that he could swindle Brom Garret over Tim Driscoll's old claim, he immediately put E.B. on the case of parlaying Driscoll to do business with Garret, and if that didn't work, to haggle it from Garret later down the road.
Garret was completely unaware that E.B.'s role was simply to generate interest and drive up the bidding and price of the claim, and thus he blew a large sum of money on a claim that he had no idea was going to turn out to be a bonanza.
6 COST AL THE GARRET CLAIM
After E.B. Farnum muddled the initial Garret claim, he had a chance to amend his past blunder after Brom Garret was killed and his claim fell to his widow. However, E.B. became greedy and managed to curdle the negotiations.
He was greedy and cost Al Alma Garret's claim by lowballing her when he was specifically told not to. E.B. Farnum's chance for greatness usurped his normal skulking need for self-preservation when he went for $19,500 to purchase it, knowing full well Al instructed him to offer the full $20K, thus allowing E.B. to make a tidy five hundred dollar profit.
5 MADE A BID FOR THE CLAIM AT BROM'S FUNERAL
Despite the fact that the deal Al wanted to transpire between him and Alma Garret wasn't a possibility, E.B. still took it upon himself to try to broker a continuation of the negations anyway, hoping to get back in Al's good graces and possibly make a profit.
He chose to do this at the most inopportune time — Brom Garret's funeral — when making an offer on the widow Garret's claim would be seen as unseemly at best and grossly disrespectful at worst. It was a small wonder Mrs. Garret didn't have him beat on sight.
4 USED HIS MAYORAL SPEECH TO INSULT SOL STAR
E.B. began his tenure as mayor in a "titular" capacity, and as he reminded everyone in the camp, it was strictly "informal", and he had no real power. When the possibility of being annexed is in the camp's future, E.B. must run for his position.
When it came time for E.B. to give his speech, he spent the entirety of the mayoral debates mocking Sol Star for his Jewish heritage, choosing very carefully crafted antisemitic insults. The real Sol Star would go on to a bright career in politics, while the same could not be said of E.B. Farnum.
3 HELPED CY TOLLIVER BUY THE BELLA UNION
Knowing that Cy Tolliver would become a direct rival to Al, E.B. went ahead and acted as the go-between for Tolliver and Artie Simpson, allowing the former to purchase the Bella Union hotel.
E.B.'s nature for scheming and playing one side against the other ended up endearing him to neither party, and he became a nuisance to both Al and Tolliver after the sale of the hotel was finalized and he wasn't considered their equal.
2 SOLD HIS HOTEL TO GEORGE HEARST
While George Hearst swept through Deadwood like a tornado, gobbling up structures in his wake, he seemed intent on taking the one thing that defined E.B. — proprietorship of the Grand Central Hotel.
After much vexation, E.B. decided to sell to Hearst on the proviso that he could still manage the establishment, but all that did was make him a whipping boy and lickspittle for Hearst's ugly moods and get him punched in the face by Seth Bullock.
1 LET HEARST HUMILIATE HIM
Had E.B. been possessed of stronger stuff and ever stood up for himself, he might have anchored himself in a better position in Deadwood and been a true equal to Cy Tolliver and Al Swearengen. Instead, he said of himself, "I yearn to rely on a higher will. I fear what I am capable of in its absence."
His character deficiency allowed Hearst to spit in his face and order him to remain in one spot for hours, without permission to wipe himself. That E.B. actually complied, was as jaw-dropping as it was pathetic.
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